| Clichés |
[Jan. 29th, 2012|05:38 pm] |
It’s cliché to mention that I have very little time to write here. That Facebook and Twitter are the much more convenient avenues for jotting down thoughts on the Internet. That I don’t have time to do much of anything, let alone spill my guts in public, being a Dad now. How I’d rather save posting here for something I’ve proof read and that I feel is substantial.
But then the other cliché settles in, that overrides those, which is that I am too lazy right now to flesh something deep and meaningful out, but damn do I want to post something.
Life update: In most areas of my life, things haven’t changed and because of that, every morning I wake up eating myself from the inside out. People tell you to never give up, but man. Rejection is just so routine and I feel myself getting older.
My hardest rejection was a month or so ago for a position I was absolutely perfect for. So perfect that I didn’t have to contact them as a follow up to feeding their resume bot. Their resume bot digested my cover letter, with a side of resume and shit out a recommendation for HR to call me ASAP! I had the phone interview that seemed to go well and then…rejected. That one bruised deep because it was one of the only opportunities I’ve run into that would have utilized my scatter shot range of work experience (art/design work, publishing knowledge, knowledge of the industry, game press/pr knowledge, etc.). I wasn’t taking it lightly at all and rehearsed for the phone interview like crazy, there was just something not correct…or somebody better. I’m over it now and have moved on (even though I am writing about it here), but at the time getting that particular rejection email was a real gut shot.
When it comes to the topic of employment rejection, I could copy and paste posts I’ve made years before and they’ll say the same exact things. It’s a cycle I feel I should have broken out of a long time ago, but I have no idea what is sinking me here.
At least fatherhood is something new. Sakura is fucking great. She’s incredibly happy to see me, she talks about me when I am not around, and cries when I walk out the door just to go check the mail. She thinks the game room is “our room” and will wander in while I am in there and shut the door on her Mom. Then proceed to grab my most rare cartridges off the shelf and stick them in her mouth. If I am playing Street Fighter she’ll find the spare stick and mimic me hitting buttons. If I am using a controller I’ll hand her a spare so she stops trying to share the one in my hands. The one in my hands, however, is the most desirable controller to her for some reason. Although my wife has made me feel loved, I’ve never felt this amount of love and emotional attachment than with my daughter. It’s incredible and difficult to describe. You’re needed and the love you put in is given back. I know this will all change once she discovers friends and learns to hate me as a teenager, so I’m getting as much love as I can now.
One thing I still have time for, almost too much given how my drawing muscle is weak again, is games. Fighting games, unfortunately, I’ve turned my back on for the last few months for a couple of reasons. For one, I am highly competitive. This need to prove myself to everyone eventually drove me into burn out. Let’s face it, I may be better than the average, but that’s all I am. I peaked in the early 2K’s and I just don’t have the commitment to get better. At one point I was one of the best IV Makoto players in the Bay Area (partially because no one played her), now I’d say I am easily one of the most forgettable. It bothers me, which is the other reason I’ve backed off. To become the best I have to commit energy and time I shouldn’t be spending. When I play for fun, that doesn’t last either: because someone, somewhere is going to comment on how I am no good or not as good as player X out of (fill in area code)…which bruises my ego and sends me back into spending a lot of time on the game. It’s just a bad cycle. I need a break. I realize this is such a bad time to step away, since we’re in an avalanche of new fighting game releases, but I just need to channel that energy into something else.
Pinball still has my focus. Hell, I am actually running a team tournament in about a week. Like fighting games, my attachment has a lot to do with the people around me. With fighting games I had Keystone, here I have the EBP. It’s a slower paced community for sure. Dare I say an, “Old Man’s Community”, even though there are plenty of young players. There’s competition, but it isn’t nearly as intense as the fighting game community. In fighting games if you have any inkling of a reputation you get hundreds of people looking for any excuse to play and beat you. Every flaw in your game is analyzed. Any inch is taken for a mile. In pinball if you’re good people don’t hang a giant target on your back every game. If you beat a good player in one game, it doesn’t mean anything. Hell, you beat him in a tournament it just means you were better that day. It isn’t such a huge rep-crush, because at the end of the day everyone knows who is genuinely good, who is getting better and who is lucking out. Especially if the person is a league player, where results after months of play speak for themselves. At least louder than one random night.
For an example of contrast, in pinball I’ve only had one person step up and tell me that I sucked, but he was drunk and was unsuccessfully trying to ask me what was going wrong with my play that night. With fighting games people are continually telling you how much you suck, including people from your own crew. Even if you win, you’re being told how bad you are. It’s draining.
Since I’m not playing fighting games right now, what video game is occupying my time? I’m sorry if you think I’m a no good little-Timmy for this, but Modern Warfare 3 has me hooked. Yeah, the lowest common denominator tends to gravitate towards the game. It’s full of kids, racists, bigots and homophobes. I’m not going to apologize for them or explain them away. They’re there, in droves. Unlike other games that gain a bad rep for attracting the mouth breathers of the world, the multiplayer in this game is actually nuanced and gets very little credit for it. It takes a pretty huge part of its design from the role playing game genre’s playbook, where you have to add perks and level up your character in order to unlock gear. Individual weapons also gain xp and earn special attachment options once you hit a certain level. The tricky part is crafting all of these options so you have class types for specific situations.
For instance, my main class runs around with dual machine pistols and a light sub-machine gun with rapid fire and extended magazines. My perks are sleight of hand (quicker reloading and weapon swap), Assassin (don’t show up on enemy radar), and steady aim (hip fire accuracy increased). Why all that? Part of the gun fight mechanic is to raise your sites up first, then fire. With my dual machine pistols, I don’t have to aim down the sites (how are you going to aim down the site of two guns?). So I get the bonus of automatically firing first versus someone that feels the need to draw his sites up. The sub-machine gun has so many bullets firing out of it, that it’s okay for me to not be accurate and fire without bringing sites up. Again, I gain the bonus of firing quicker versus someone that needs to aim. The hip fire ensures I at least gain some bonus accuracy when firing. The downfall to all of this is I have to be in close range or my bullets just won’t land on target. I also blow through ammo like crazy, even with the extended magazine.
Another class I created allows me to run around for longer distances, remain undetected by radar and makes my footsteps silent. I make sure to up my knife based weapons and guess what? I’m now a ninja stabbing people in the back. In a fucking bro-dude army game of all things!?! Obviously, the cons being I’m not going to hit someone from very far away and I lack perks that give my weapons a bonus…but I am silent, undetectable and quick.
Eventually, these classes begin to mold themselves around specific maps, which were designed to benefit certain gameplay styles. It’s pretty damned smart and addictive. It deserves a lot more credit for being clever than your average FPS or incredibly popular mainstream title.
The single player...I won’t comment. I played MW2’s single player and thought it was a bit too jock-fantasy, propaganda heavy for me. More than not, it was a bit embarrassing and eye rolling. Maybe someday I’ll play through it, but when I’ve maxed out all the enjoyment of multiplayer.
Look at that shit. I talked more about video games than my real life. Another cliche! |
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